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RAD: Top Tools to Stop Critics

parenting Jul 11, 2023
pointing fingers at stressed woman

There are severe challenges to living with and helping to heal a child with RAD child. Critics that have judged and condemned parents without all the information to make a decision is one of the most hurtful. I have tried and tried to explain and teach to get these clueless folks to understand. Many times I failed!!


People Believe What They See Before They Believe What They Hear

People believe what they see over and above what they hear. They see a super cute façade of a child eliciting pity. They see angry, stressed-out parents! So who do you think gets selected to be the bad guy!? As long as you know you are nurturing lots and providing the right structure for your child’s special needs STAND YOUR GROUND! If not, change it!

You and I know that behind the mask the child holds up in public is extreme anger, defiance and destruction. When we attempt to describe the nightmare we live with in order to sway the critics they just assume we are lying, exaggerating or delusional.


An Analogy to Help

I like to use the analogy of a family with two children; one healthy, one with diabetes. When you tell someone the child has diabetes would they rudely reply “He doesn’t look like he has diabetes to me!” ? They do it all the time with mental illness! (as if you are an idiot or are lying about your child!)

If you took the two children to a birthday party and gave them both a big piece of birthday cake so it was “fair”, what would likely happen to the one with diabetes? The one could end up in a hospital. Children with RAD have special needs and must be treated differently in order to heal! Treating them the same as a healthy child may end them in a hospital, a psych hospital!

Think about having to inject insulin in your child to keep them alive. I can only imagine how hard that must be to have to cause pain to your child daily to save their life! How helpful would it be to have someone stop in as you are poised to give the injection and say “I never gave shots to my child and they turned out just fine.” Would it make it any easier? How about the child who is poised for the pain of the needle hearing that? “Yeah! She never gave shots to her kids and they turned out fine. Mom, you are wrong and I will balk more to avoid what you are trying to do!” Input from the critics can sure create more problems. We have ENOUGH!!!

Children with RAD will not heal if ANYONE is playing the triangulation game with them! It must be stopped!!


What Do We DO?

What do we do? Teach them with books, DVD’s and webinars. If they still are taking time and energy away from you healing your child, FIRE THEM! You can also put them on temporary hold, respectfully, so you don’t have a family, church or neighborhood war. Here is a sample letter and some cards for interfering strangers (grocery store or shops) that you can have printed to help.


What if it’s a Grandparent that is the Critic?

Unfortunately that is a huge problem! Grandparents can be a vital part of the healing team! When they just need to understand the situation better try having them read this blog article for Grandparents. When they are hurting parents with inappropriate judgements and criticism then they need to be off the team for a while until the child is headed toward healing and stable enough to stop the manipulation, and triangulation. It is so sad when that happens but not as sad as watching a child drown in their pathology because someone has drained the parent’s energy by siding with the conning child and standing against the exhausted parents! So in that case, here is a letter to help : Letter to Grandparents

I hope you can get the critics turned around, especially the Grandparents , so they can support not sabotage! Grandparents can be a huge support!!

We can make a difference, Nancy Thomas


Photo by Yan Krukov

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